Wednesday, July 4, 2007
The Sound of Silence
I have been home alone now since Saturday afternoon and am starting to miss my little boy. It is so quiet when he is gone, but I know he isbeing well taken care of and having a great time. I had somewhat of an epiphany last night if you could call it that. I had been out with a friend for a drink last night and on the way home we got into a somewhat deep conversation. She had been asking me about my *new* life and if I had found myself yet. I think it was at that moment I realized that I had in fact gotten lost somewhere in my life's jouney. I had been the daughter, wife, mother, worker, but somewhere I forgot how to be me. I know it sounds corny, but it is true. I have learned a lot in the past year, mostly about who I've been, who I am amnd who I want to be. Now I know you can't see me writing this, but I am getting a bit misty eyed. They say everything happens for a reason, and although I don't quite know yet what the reason is, I am on a journey of self discovery and learning new things every day. Things I never in my wildest dreams I would ever do, I am beginning to do. Maybe next week I'll go get a tattoo to celebrate my indpendence. Anybody wanna come hold my hand??
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2 comments:
I don't want to 'harp', because you and I have talked about some of this before. You need to do what's best for you first. If that's getting a tattoo, then fine, but I don't think it is. I think getting a tattoo might be a knee-jerk reaction to realizing that you haven't done things first for yourself for a long time, and something inside you is telling you it has to be something wild - something that will make a statement.
Well, it doesn't have to be wild, or irresponsible, or damaging to your skin. It just has to be (and this applies to everything for the rest of your friggin' life, not just one thing and then back to the "regular routine") about you FIRST. I know I've said it to you before (only privately) - Always ask yourself, "What's in it for me?" before agreeing to do anything with - or for - anyone. Looking after yourself first is the best thing you can do for your son, too. He will gather strength from the example you set for him.
You're a good person. Everybody sees that in you...but you have to believe it. Believe in yourself.
JB, believe it or not, I think for the first time in my life I am doing what is best for me. I have long wanted a tatoo, too chickensh*t to get one though. I just figured now would be as good a time as any. And I am beginning to look upon life in a whole new perspective. I am past the point of people walking on me with my permission. I am beginning to see that life is what I choose it to be, not what happened to me. It does nt define who I am, although it has helped me to realize that I am worth a whole lot more than I thought I was. And that for me is a huge step.
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